A Commitment

I have not been at my physical, mental, and emotional best for the past month, maybe even for the past year. And I think my body is finally trying to tell me that enough is enough -- it's time to put myself first and be healthy.

I have certainly gone down a dangerously unhealthy path since getting married. I guess happiness has its tendency to make one slack off and take important things -- like health -- for granted. But I don't think I am doing our marriage any favors by letting myself go like this.

I know I've made 'commitments' before to start living a healthier life, but I never really pulled through on any of it. It is so easy to give up because I would always find an excuse, like 'not being ready' or 'I'm too stressed at work.' I know that at the end of the day, these are meaningless excuses.

I have really been feeling the negative side effects of letting myself go. My moods have been so crappy. I haven't been waking up motivated to start the day. I always find the excuse of not being completely satisfied with my job, when I am pretty sure a big part of this dissatisfaction (for life in general) comes from my complete lack of energy and overall wellbeing.

Self-image issues are also beginning to blatantly interfere with my mental and emotional wellbeing. I am over 140 lbs., the heaviest I've ever been in my life at only 5 feet, 5 inches tall. Even though my husband tells me every single day that I am beautiful, I can't help but disagree and deny these words of love and appreciation.

I know I can be more beautiful, more healthy, and more happy for him. But most importantly, I know that I can be all these things for ME.

I set my alarm clock 30 minutes earlier than my usual wake-up call. I am going to start my day for once. I pray for the strength to stick with this newfound commitment, to not make meaningless excuses my crutch, and to finally put myself first. "Me Time" begins tomorrow. May the Universe and God's spirit be with me.