Hardest workout yet, and thoughts on food deprivation

Yesterday was Total Body Circuit day, 25 minutes of pure torture. Even Tania's modifications were very challenging, but I was proud of myself for not giving up, and being able to practice better planks and getting trained for full push-ups. I still have a long way to go in these areas, but I'm happy where I am now, considering I am quite the beginner in all of this.

I am also starting to feel the positive side effects of working out everyday. My overall mood is improving and I feel more energetic. Being able to finish the 25-minute Shaun T workouts is also a great feeling. I feel very proud of myself. The sluggishness is gone and I look forward to seeing more improvements as time goes by.

It is also the first day of fall break, four days of pure bliss, no work. I woke up at 9:30 this morning to let the dog out and feed her. I went back to bed but stayed up browsing my smart phone. I think I half-slept in the middle of it. I decided to get up at 11:30 to make some breakfast/brunch/lunch and catch up on my British shows. I had leftover Asian salad and three soft boiled eggs. I felt like I wanted to eat more and decided on a chocolate chip cookie and a mint.

I want to practice a healthier diet but the mere thought of it makes me cringe, because no matter how glamorous healthy diets and recipes look on the screen, in real life, it makes me depressed. I love food. I love indulgent meals and desserts and snacks. I don't think I can give up processed food or sugar. I don't want to deprive myself of these things that truly make me happier about life!

I don't plan on changing my diet or abstaining from certain things health enthusiasts find horrific, because I know I will fail. I love food too much. But I know I can start making smarter choices, like portion control. It's an ongoing, learning experience, but I know for sure that this whole 'diet' thing is not for me.

Which brings me to the reason why I started working out again. My goal is mainly to feel better about myself, mentally and emotionally, by giving my body the physical activity that it needs. Being completely sedentary has taken its toll on my mental and emotional wellbeing that I started getting depressed again. I don't want to pay for a therapist or take medication for this, so I decided to work out to help combat these blues. My primary goal for working out isn't to lose weight or look good, but to feel good and to feel healthy, even if, by mainstream standards, my body shape isn't exactly the most 'perfect.' I don't care. I have come to a point in my life where physical attributes don't really bug me as much anymore. Sure, I get body issue woes every now and then, but they're pretty minor. It's the emotional and mental stability that I find really important these days. These are my foundation to being the best person I can be for myself, and for the people around me. And, this is why I work out.

Me Time: A Change In Perspective

October 6th, Monday. I tuckered out last night at around 12 and knew that tomorrow was going to be rough. I haven't been getting enough sleep during the weekdays, partially because I always feel anxious about coming to work the next day.

I thought I was going to break the commitment before it even started when I woke up at around 5am, that is, after already tossing and turning in between. I tried to go back to sleep, half slept, and woke up at 5:30. I looked at the alarm set on my phone: 6:00am. I only had 30 minutes left to sleep. To hell with this, I'm not working out. I need more than 30 minutes to survive the rest of the day. It was, after all, a Monday.

I couldn't sleep after that. I looked at the clock: 5:50. Out of nowhere, something inside me pushed myself out of bed, and I suddenly found myself putting on a sports bra, workout pants, socks, until finally, I was in my Nike's.

I told myself that I was going to start slow. The reason I gave up a workout routine was because I pushed myself too hard, thinking I could do it. I don't need Tania. I can totally do the entire thing without the modifier. And when I realized that I couldn't, I threw in the towel and said to hell with it.

Not this time. I was going to swallow my pride, listen to my body, and go slow.

I followed Tania the entire time. And it felt great.

That was, until after the cool down. I was ready to begin my day, when I realized how freaking nauseated I felt. I knew I had to quickly prepare my breakfast (oatmeal and bananas), but I could barely walk to the kitchen. When I realized how unfit I was, the familiar feeling of demotivation started setting in.

And with it came other negative emotions, like job dissatisfaction, feeling tired and sick, and wishing that I could just stay in and go back to sleep. Ugh, I had to work after hours today, too. And it's only 6:45.

But I knew I had no choice. I had to keep moving, so I did. I made breakfast, but could only take a couple of bites. I've always skipped breakfast, and this is something that I've been working on to make a daily non-negotiable. I kept my leftover oatmeal in a container and stored it in the fridge for tomorrow.

My day went by quickly, but I only saw the slightest difference in energy, not so much in mood. My husband said it would probably take a week -- maybe more -- to see a real difference. I'll try to be patient.

Tonight, there's that familiar feeling of dreading the next day again, especially since I knew I had to continue waking up 30 minutes earlier to be able to get the workout in. I used to work out after work, but since I have been doing overtime, I knew that wouldn't be much of a commitment and more like wishful thinking. Besides, I do chores, cook, and clean when I get home.

A realization just literally came through: I basically work the entire freaking day. My job starts at 7:30 and ends at 4:30. After that, I either get home or do errands. When I get home, I cook and clean. It never stops.

In other words, I think I made the right decision to wake up 30 minutes early to start my day with "Me Time", my workout. If I could keep that perspective, I think I would feel more motivated to continue.

Saying it one more time, in front of the mirror: 6:00-6:30am working out = Me Time. You're doing this for you.

A Commitment

I have not been at my physical, mental, and emotional best for the past month, maybe even for the past year. And I think my body is finally trying to tell me that enough is enough -- it's time to put myself first and be healthy.

I have certainly gone down a dangerously unhealthy path since getting married. I guess happiness has its tendency to make one slack off and take important things -- like health -- for granted. But I don't think I am doing our marriage any favors by letting myself go like this.

I know I've made 'commitments' before to start living a healthier life, but I never really pulled through on any of it. It is so easy to give up because I would always find an excuse, like 'not being ready' or 'I'm too stressed at work.' I know that at the end of the day, these are meaningless excuses.

I have really been feeling the negative side effects of letting myself go. My moods have been so crappy. I haven't been waking up motivated to start the day. I always find the excuse of not being completely satisfied with my job, when I am pretty sure a big part of this dissatisfaction (for life in general) comes from my complete lack of energy and overall wellbeing.

Self-image issues are also beginning to blatantly interfere with my mental and emotional wellbeing. I am over 140 lbs., the heaviest I've ever been in my life at only 5 feet, 5 inches tall. Even though my husband tells me every single day that I am beautiful, I can't help but disagree and deny these words of love and appreciation.

I know I can be more beautiful, more healthy, and more happy for him. But most importantly, I know that I can be all these things for ME.

I set my alarm clock 30 minutes earlier than my usual wake-up call. I am going to start my day for once. I pray for the strength to stick with this newfound commitment, to not make meaningless excuses my crutch, and to finally put myself first. "Me Time" begins tomorrow. May the Universe and God's spirit be with me.

Couch to 5k Day 1: Chia Seeds Gives Me Happy Running Energy!

C25K or 'Couch to 5k' is a program you can download as a phone app to help you train for a 5-kilometer run -- about 3 miles -- within 8 weeks. It provides a very reasonable pace even for those who are complete amateur runners, like myself.

I first started the program in September but stopped after Day 1 because I got distracted with other workout programs at the time (HIIT, barre, and traditional strength training with weights), and today I finally decided that it would be nice to go back to good old fashioned running as a more straightforward daily exercise habit.

Here are the results of Day 1...

Total distance: 1.74 miles

Total time: 30 minutes and 52 seconds

Calories burned: 232

Fat from calories: 50

Running speed: 10 minutes per mile (Level 6; I have short legs!)

*Remember that C25K Day 1 allows interval running and walking, which is why I ran for only a little over a mile!

I went a little over the 30-minute mark because I needed a longer cool down. I'm proud to say that I didn't have to hit the pause button! Although I got extremely tired and gasping loudly for breath after each 90-second interval run, I was still able to follow the Day 1 routine to a tee.

As much as I want to wake up every morning to run before going to work, I am too much of a night owl to commit to that (teacher blues). I go straight to the pantry or fridge after work to grab a pre-workout snack, and today I had a cup of Greek yogurt with pear and clementine slices, and a tablespoon of chia seeds. The latter gives me wonderful energy.

Are you also doing the C25k program? Let's motivate each other!

Green Smoothie For Your Metabolism: Jasmine Green Tea Awakening Smoothie

This green smoothie concoction was totally experimental. I wanted to try using green tea as the liquid base for my smoothie to add great aroma, flavor, and caffeine. This recipe was a complete success! What I love about this smoothie is its pleasant aroma because of the jasmine infused in the green tea. It's refreshing, it keeps me awake, and it's also a great way to boost your metabolism. 

Not only does green tea naturally help boost your metabolism, but so does cayenne pepper. It also gives a great kick to any spinach or kale based green smoothie. If you're not a fan of spice, of course, you can definitely skip the cayenne and still get the benefits of green tea for faster metabolism.

I've also started using agave nectar as a substitute for regular sugar, and even honey! If you don't have agave nectar available, feel free to add more bananas for sweetness, or add honey. Enjoy!

Green Addiction

The green smoothie and juicing trend is one health fad that I personally love. That's a lot to say from someone who hates eating vegetables as much as I do.

Fun Fact: Did you know that I was once a vegetarian? Not anymore, obviously.

Green smoothies don't just give me my dose of fruits and veggies for the day; this practice also helps me feel less sluggish, which is what I always feel when I don't get enough fruits and veggies in my diet... which used to be almost everyday. I also noticed that it gave me healthier digestion.

There's a whole bunch of green smoothie and juice recipes out there, but I normally stick with these two.

Warning: They can be addicting.

Also, if you are making smoothies, blend all these ingredients with filtered water or coconut water. The amount will be based on your preference for consistency.

This green summer smoothie has a bunch of my favorite summer fruits and veggies. It's refreshing and quite filling. Cucumbers are my favorite veggie to add to any green smoothie to make it taste a lot more palatable. Spinach is my go-to green smoothie base, and also my favorite green leafy veggie of all time. My least favorite portion of this smoothie are the celery stalks. I'm not the biggest fan of celery, but it helps reduce the acidity in my body (I have very bad occasional acid reflux).

Blend all chopped fruits and veggies until smooth. The banana and strawberries add a wonderful sweetness to it.

This next recipe is derived from Hungry For Change, specifically from their 3-Day Detox Plan which I love to use after a week of unclean eating. You can definitely make this into a smoothie instead of a juice, but my blender cannot properly incorporate the fiber from the apples, making it harder to consume. If you have a top-of-the-line blender, this recipe will work great as a smoothie.

I love this green juice because it's simple yet so energizing. Did you know that apples are a great substitute for coffee? This gives me more energy in the morning than a regular cup of joe, believe it or not. My favorite part of this juice is the parsley. I never would have thought of including parsley in a green drink -- reminds me too much of unnecessary garnish -- but it adds the most amazing, refreshing flavor to it, so do not skip the parsley. You can also add lemon juice to this recipe.

Random Green Smoothie and Juicing Tips I've Learned Through The Years:

• Prepare your smoothie the night before. You can store them in your fridge overnight, grab them in the morning, and go. If you want to prepare it fresh, chop up your fruits and veggies the night before, and blend in the morning.
• Use frozen fruits for an instantly cool and refreshing drink. I especially love frozen bananas and blueberries.
• Rotate your greens. I learned this from Raw Family. It has something to do with the alkaloids found in green leafy vegetables. If you consume just kale or just spinach for weeks, these alkaloid levels may accumulate unnaturally in your body. It won't be pretty.
• Don't use starchy vegetables in your smoothies like broccoli, carrots, beets, zucchini, etc. It will not respond well when combined with the fruit. Although, I think it's different when you juice these starchy veggies, because I do enjoy a juiced beet or carrot.
• One smoothie equals one meal. Don't take it as a beverage with another meal. Although I think you should not substitute juices for meals, either. There's that fine line between smoothies and juices: Smoothie = meal; Juice = Supplement to a Heathy Meal.
• Too many ingredients in one smoothie is overkill. Plus, it's going to taste weird. The simpler and fewer ingredients, the better. According to Raw Family, too many ingredients will slow down the absorption of the smoothie in your digestive tract, and may cause irritation and gas. Who wants that, and a horrible tasting smoothie?!

A glass or two of blended/juiced fruits and veggies a day, keeps the doctor and constipation away. Good luck!