Thursday, October 9, 2014

Hardest workout yet, and thoughts on food deprivation

Yesterday was Total Body Circuit day, 25 minutes of pure torture. Even Tania's modifications were very challenging, but I was proud of myself for not giving up, and being able to practice better planks and getting trained for full push-ups. I still have a long way to go in these areas, but I'm happy where I am now, considering I am quite the beginner in all of this.

I am also starting to feel the positive side effects of working out everyday. My overall mood is improving and I feel more energetic. Being able to finish the 25-minute Shaun T workouts is also a great feeling. I feel very proud of myself. The sluggishness is gone and I look forward to seeing more improvements as time goes by.

It is also the first day of fall break, four days of pure bliss, no work. I woke up at 9:30 this morning to let the dog out and feed her. I went back to bed but stayed up browsing my smart phone. I think I half-slept in the middle of it. I decided to get up at 11:30 to make some breakfast/brunch/lunch and catch up on my British shows. I had leftover Asian salad and three soft boiled eggs. I felt like I wanted to eat more and decided on a chocolate chip cookie and a mint.

I want to practice a healthier diet but the mere thought of it makes me cringe, because no matter how glamorous healthy diets and recipes look on the screen, in real life, it makes me depressed. I love food. I love indulgent meals and desserts and snacks. I don't think I can give up processed food or sugar. I don't want to deprive myself of these things that truly make me happier about life!

I don't plan on changing my diet or abstaining from certain things health enthusiasts find horrific, because I know I will fail. I love food too much. But I know I can start making smarter choices, like portion control. It's an ongoing, learning experience, but I know for sure that this whole 'diet' thing is not for me.

Which brings me to the reason why I started working out again. My goal is mainly to feel better about myself, mentally and emotionally, by giving my body the physical activity that it needs. Being completely sedentary has taken its toll on my mental and emotional wellbeing that I started getting depressed again. I don't want to pay for a therapist or take medication for this, so I decided to work out to help combat these blues. My primary goal for working out isn't to lose weight or look good, but to feel good and to feel healthy, even if, by mainstream standards, my body shape isn't exactly the most 'perfect.' I don't care. I have come to a point in my life where physical attributes don't really bug me as much anymore. Sure, I get body issue woes every now and then, but they're pretty minor. It's the emotional and mental stability that I find really important these days. These are my foundation to being the best person I can be for myself, and for the people around me. And, this is why I work out.

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